Showing posts with label For women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label For women. Show all posts

Thursday, 8 November 2018

What Women Look For In/On A Man The First Time They Meet. (Can This Affect Long Term Relationships?)

November 08, 2018 5 Comments
what women look for in a man when they first meet

 It’s a part of human behaviour that there is most often something(s) specific that we look for in or on a person of interest the very first time we meet. Personally, I know the things I look for when I meet a guy for the first time who could possibly become a partner. These things include; a warm personality, genuineness, a sense of life, a sense of humour and humbleness. Whereas sometimes I can just go with the flow and try not to notice too much and see what will pop out naturally from him towards me. 


 This week I got a bit curious to hear from 12 other women on my Instagram what they also look for in or on a guy the first time they meet. So I set up an Instagram poll asking the question and their responses came as follows.


*I have decided to keep these women anonymous in respect of their privacy.


Girl #1: ”How generous and sincere he is”

Girl #2: ”Sense of Humor”

Girl #3: ”Compassion, his ability to care for the people around him”

Girl #4: ”Proper teeth”

Girl #5: ”Ambitionnnn”

Girl #6: ”I listen to the way he addresses me and his attire”

Girl #7: ”How he carries himself and how he speaks”

Girl #8: ”$$$$”

Girl #9: ”Consistency. If he’s consistent with his words, way or                    
            actions”

Girl #10: ”Looks and dress of sense”

Girl #11: ”Their intelligence, life goals and ambition”

Girl #12: ”Potential”



 
Now these are all great answers. Everyone has their own values and what they wish for in or on a man. As you can tell from these answers some girls are more on the physical side, some on the personality side and on the monetary side. 
 
 The Point of this post is to highlight that most often what women tend to look for in/on a man is most often the result of the type of relationship made with that man. A humorous man forms a humorous relationship. An ambitious man encourages an ambitious relationship. And if you entered a relationship with a man solely because of looks then more than likely you’ll end up with a cute man who probably does not have or know how to bring anything else to the table.




 For a fulfilling and long-lasting happy relationship, try to search for your soul mate the way you would probably search for the perfect pair of heels that suits YOU. One that fits, one that’s comfortable that you feel like you love and could wear everyday. 



As the quote says

First Impressions Lasts Forever

A quote we must keep in mind.




 

Sunday, 26 August 2018

8 Ways You Might Be pushing Him Away

August 26, 2018 3 Comments

Pinterest


 Pushing away our men is more common than we girls know. Sometimes we feel as if we are doing the right thing or taking a little charge of the relationship. Let me tell you though, it doesnt always work. Men are are quite easy to lose interest when they feel a girl is taking the wrong paths to making a relationship work. When it becomes too much for them it really becomes enough.
 I wouldn’t want you to be that girl who’s pushing her man away so with these 8 pointers I hope it will help to raise a warning sign for you…. Just incase!




Lurking Too Much

 It can become too much when you’re constantly checking his social media too see his latest posts, who commented on his pictures, whose pictures he like etc. It is good to see once in a while  what your man’s social media behaviour look like but it’s not healthy to let it become a daily and nightly routine for you as much as it won't do justice for the relationship.



Over Questioning His Actions

 Girl, he’s not necessarily lying all the time. As much as people can lie, sometimes they can also tell the truth. It’s one thing when you’re dating a man for a while who lies constanly and not much has changed over the period; but if that’s not the case for you,  you should take it a bit easy on him.



Too Clingy

 Men likes a little time and space to breathe. Allow him to have times where he’s able to have some new atmosphere with friends/family or even with himself. You can even become clingy with your texting behaviour towards him. If you sent him a text at 6:00 pm, it doesnt mean he will see/read it at 6:00 pm. Be patient. If you’re dating a genuine man you have nothing to worry about, I bet he will explain in the soonest and best time  he can.







Not Doing Your Part In the Relationship

 As I often say to my boyfriend, ”Do your part and I will also do mine”. It’s  like a good relationship motto when you think about it. If you want your man to be fair towards you then no doubt he will expect fairness back from you. Not doing your half of trying to maintain a good relationship is one of the easiest ways to push him away. Keep your eyes open for that.


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Being the First to Read 90% of His Messages

 I could preach on this point but I’ll take it easy. A lot of us girls dont realise that our man’s phone is our man’s phone. Hence, it means that some privacy towards it is due. As i said…SOME. But overdoing it is an easy way for a man to lose his patience. Don’t be the one jumping hurdles with your man to make it to the finish line to read a single text that came on HIS phone. If you really would like to know who or what the message is about, there are many polite ways in which you can ask him.



Expecting Him to Read Your Mind

 I am guilty of this point but I must agree that girls will be girls. I remember when my relationship started out I was falling into this reading my mind thing with my boyfriend. Luckily, he made me become aware of it before it got too far. Ladies, men aren’t mind readers so don’t expect them to read your mind if you feel some way about a particular situation. Read you own mind towards him instead and your relationship will get somewhere instead of you pushing him away. By doing this you’re  allowing him to understand you and your situation better.



Not Able to Communicate Well

 A man can and does value the abiltiy to communicate with him. Communication and mind reading relates similary in the way in which you could possibly push him away.





Not Showing Interest In What He Values

 Imagine you telling your man about your hobbies or the things that excites you and he prefers to talk about or do something. Yes, it’s the same for him if he would try to show you his interest and you turn a deaf ear or a blind eye. Try to have some understanding to what matters the most to him. A relationship needs this as much as you need to understand the real sides to the man you’re in a relationship with.



 If any of these pointers raised a warning sign for you then you have some work to do. Instead of pushing him away why not try to push him even closer towards you?



Tuesday, 19 June 2018

The Truth About Communication In a Long Distance Relationships

June 19, 2018 3 Comments


Truth about communication

One of the very first post I’ve written was about Long Distance Relationship and 7 Ways How I Handle It. In that post I mentioned ”communication” as the first pointer as to how I keep my relationship alive while being on a distance from my boyfriend and how much we both value it. A friend of mine messaged me roughly a week ago with a link to a video where a guy speaks about challenges that can come during a long distance relationship and ways that one could overcome these challenges. It was really warm she thought of me when she saw the video but coincidentally, my post about Long Distance Relationship and 7 Ways HowI Handle It basically have already listed all that was mentioned in the guy’s video. I think once you’re in a long distance relationship that actually funtions you’d already have the basic knowledge of what makes it work and what could make others’ work.


But back to communication! 
The video did give me some new insights though as I now feel it necessary to expound a bit on the truth about communication itself in a long distance relationship, more specifically, my relationship (LDR). 


Let me start by saying that communication can be a challenge but doesnt need to be once you are doing it right. 


Communication on a distance is never the easiest but there are definitely pros to it e.g., you learn about your partner in a different way than you would if you both were in the same room, it can be funny when you find it relatively easier to say things over the phone that you would never say in person etc. 



Communication can be challenging!- Speaking now from my own experiences, I have encountered communication challenges with my boyfriend from time to time and it’s mostly due to misunderstanding when TEXTING! I have also realised that  the optimum way to communicate is by phone calls or video calls. A person reads text messages in his/her own way so sometimes the natural voice in which you sent the text could be misunderstood which may lead to miscommunication or dispute. If you are to enter a fuss about a text message which was interpreted incorrectly just stay calm and try to work it out over a voicecall instead and explain the true nature of what was meant in the text.



Finding the time to communicate?- As for me I always have the time to communicate with my boyfriend. Even when I was at my previous job where no phone was allowed I couldn’t help but to sneak my phone in just so we could talk (sshhh… don't tell anyone). I had no choice! Especially when we could be 6/7 hours on time difference and he could also be asleep or busy studying/working during my ONE hour break for lunch.. hell naw! It all comes down to priority and he is sure as hell my priority! Luckily, he is the type of guy that I don’t need to question what and who he prioritizes because it’s all so obvious in the way he handles his time i.e, I am always a part of his time. Now that he currenty studies, apart from when he has exams coming up or assignments, we could talk for hours and most often by voice calls 

Voice calls? What about video calls?- Video calls also, yes… certainly! Video calls is really effective especially when we haven’t seen each other for a while or we’re missing each other like crazy. When we video call it gives us a feeling as if we are physically together in the same room. Personally, it relieves me from distance depression and helps me to sleep well at night. All and all it depends on the time, place and mood for either one. 

What happens when we don't know what to talk about?- This is what happens... we become silent or talk about the weirdest of things that make no sense whatsoever and have a good laugh! Haha... it's awkward I know! I'll explain a bit more about what I mean about being silent. When we don't know what topic to hit next we just live in the moment of listening or seeing what either of us is doing on the other end until another topic eventually spurs up. In a sense, it somewhat makes us feel as if we are in the same room together just by seeing/hearing the environment on the other side.

My Conclusion

Long Distance Relationships on a whole is never and will never be easy as it seems or as portrayed on the media. It comes with tears, sadness, happiness and most of all love in a diiferent way. In order to keep relationships like these alive communication is a must! If you are one that has problems communicating, my best advice to you is try to make a schedule if it is the fact that both of you have busy lives, whether with school or work. Also try to understand each other's differences. Not every couple will be lucky to talk 24 hours a day, every day of the week. Be patient and understanding that even while on a distance you both have to learn how to bloom as own individuals until that day comes when you both will be together permanently. The journey might be hard but it doesn't have to be forever. 

If you have questions always feel free to shoot me a message. 

Until next time friends! 

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Monday, 9 April 2018

Pay Less Attention To Your Phone And More To Your Relationship.

April 09, 2018 1 Comments

(Put Down Your Phone For A Second | I Have Something To Say)


Day after day we realize how attached we are to a small but handy electronic device we call a mobile phone. But let's admit it, it can be very addictive. Have we ever thought that probably it is too addicting? 

Whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, to name a few, gets the most of our time. As soon as a notification beeps in it's almost like we could go through any life threatening situation just to check what the notification is about or who/what source it came from.


Question of today's blog:  How many of us actually listen to when our partner or anyone around us beeps for our attention while we are busy on our phone?


 If you are mature enough to admit to yourself that you're actually addicted or close to being addicted, then that's good. Most of all, you're not alone. I myself also struggle with being on my phone a tad bit too much. Like why is the World Wide Web and social media constantly seemingly so interesting?🤦🏾‍♀ 
 We, however, at some point have to discipline ourselves to the amount of media we indulge in daily.

 Have you ever thought that your phone could be a reason as to why your relationship with your partner or friends/family remains so off? When  you are the one who is constantly focused on your screen you have no time to realize this unless someone mentions it to you. There's a time and place for everything, that applies to our phones as well. 
 The person you're in a relationship with deserves just as much or even more attention that your phone receives. Think about how disrespectful it would be if you're speaking to someone on an important topic and that person is busy fingering his phone. Wouldn't you feel like you could just talk to a wall instead? Yes? Then it's the same feeling that another person could get if you treat them in like manner. 


 It's also quite interesting when a person didn't even see a breakup coming due to how inattentive one is to the real world 😂 
You spend all your time on Instagram to lurk on other people's relationship, to see who dumped who and not seeing that your own relationship is falling into a pit! 

Put down your phone when someone has something to say. Don't miss the important details. Don't make yourself look stupid when he/she asks you a question about what was said earlier and you can't relate or remember because at that time you were “busy” posting a Facebook status. 

 Don't be the one (probably the only one) who is texting and smiling at joke on your phone screen when sitting at the dinner table with friends/family while everyone is laughing at the jokes being thrown at dinner. 
 Remember every minute matters with the people who care about you. Show some respect in order to receive respect. Listen to those around you when they try to speak about something that really matters. 

 On ending, my boyfriend can say to me at times when he thinks I'm giving my phone too much attention "You know the owner of Apple only allowed his kids to use their phones only 4 hours a day?" And still I say to him I'm not one of his kids 😂





Anyhow, I hope you got the real meaning behind this post and I hope to see you again on my next. 

     Hej då! 👋🏾

Related article: Working Too Much Can Affect Your Relationship 


Tuesday, 27 March 2018

Interracial Relationship: What It's Like In Public (Personal Experience)

March 27, 2018 0 Comments
As my followers and people who know me might already know I am in an interracial relationship. If you are a new reader this is news for you and hey, welcome to my blog! 👋🏾

I try not to be too personal about my relationship in my blog posts hence why I try to be more general about my topics. In respect of my relationship itself and my boyfriend's views on the internet/social media, I try to not keep our life as a couple too much on the surface. However, today I feel like it should be okay to give you an insight of what it is like out in the public for us as an interracial couple. (Hopefully, this is not a prob for him 😄😉

Added fact: not only are we in an interracial relationship, our relationship is also long distance; for a little while that is. 

So for my new readers, I am Jamaican and my name is Kemalto. My boyfriend is Swedish/Norwegian and his name is Alex, for short.


Now let's get in to the topic. I start with my home country, Jamaica, as that's where I first noticed the type of attention we receive.

1. People tend to be VERY inquisitive. This is expected because it's not every day people may see an interracial couple around town.

2. In a social environment, people are always curious about where Alex is from. When he tells them Sweden, 70% of them can never pinpoint where Sweden actually is and feels he is referring to Switzerland 😂

3. When passing Craft Markets, staying at a hotel people or being anywhere where tourists normally are, persons most often assume we are Americans because apparently “once you’re a foreigner you’re American" 🤦🏾‍♀️ I believe people are quick to think that because of the way we speak our English.

4. I swear one day a driver is going to collide into something because of turning his/her head to look at us, while driving! It’s the creepiest thing to experience when people looks at you so still and turn their heads with your motion of walking by. Gah! 

5. BEAUTIFUL BABIES! A comment we definitely get a lot. Mind you be beautiful babies doesn't not only come in an interracial relationship 😒 But thank you for your view! 👶🏼

6. When Is The Wedding? Guys we are not running a show. Our relationship is real and we think developing a stable relationship takes time. When it's time WE will know.

7. Because I worked at a hotel and sometimes I would wear my work uniform in the town while walking with him, people would assume I met him at the hotel; I did not. People are also quick to assume we met online. No, we did not ♥️

8. Some local men show so much fury when they see that " a white man" stole one of their Jamaican girls. Oh lord I could just preach and rant on this! But I always say, when you start to appreciate the Jamaican women and treat them right then you'll find that you still have a lot left on the island for yourself (and this only goes for some men) 

9. Some girls/ women don't care if they see him walking with me. They eye him out as if I were invisible. But I guess that's okay.. to a point. I know my man's attractive 🤷🏾‍♀️🤤


My experience in Sweden:

Sweden is a lovely country as much as Jamaica is. People there are reserved and some mind their own business. The experiences that I have in Jamaica aren't as prominent and obvious in Sweden. My main experience in Sweden being in an interracial relationship is that people just tend to stare and have very inquisitive eyes. Sometimes it can get so uncomfortable (especially on the train) for me because I don't know what the stares mean. I can question myself like, is it me or is it because they see me with a Swede? Friends of Alex seems to find it rather "exotic" so I assume that's a good thing. 😌🤔
Sweden is a diverse country, people from all ethnicities and countries so I guess it's more expected for them to see interracial couples from time to time. 

All and all I love and enjoy my relationship. My best one yet.
I wouldn't change my relationship for anything or for anyone. I live and embrace it as it is. ♥️

If you are in an interracial relationship, can you relate in any way? Leave a comment and let me know. Share if you have found my post as relatable. 

Want to know how we handle our Long Distance Relationship? Check out these 7 ways! 

🦋 See you on my next post! 🦋


Wednesday, 21 March 2018

Does Desperation Drive You Into A Fast Relationship? Here's What You Need To Know.

March 21, 2018 1 Comments



Probably every human, at some point or another in their lives, has experienced being on what can only be described as an emotional roller coaster. Some days the skies are blue and on other days they just appear gray; filled with heavy, low hanging clouds. We may feel physically and emotionally exhausted at times, still on other days we are swept off our feet because of some overwhelming joy.

But besides the two commonly talked about extremes - happiness and sadness - there is another state of being that carries a heavy emotional weight. Desperation. More likely than not, you’ve experienced it but if you’re the anomaly reading this post, you might have at the very least heard of it. 

Desperation likes to show his face when things seem to be going down hill for you. And suddenly you feel like Steve Urkel, your non-physical faculties are screaming, “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”. Desperation is a monster that preys on your weaknesses and suddenly you feel like you need someone else to survive. You become reliant on someone or something outside of yourself to feel some kind of emotional balance, it’s as if you’re feeding on their energies. 

 Have you ever been in a time of your life where you feel so lonely and desperate, the only thing you feel is best for you is to find someone who can show you love, to be there for you? Yes? Then let me tell you, this is not always a bad thing. It however becomes a bad thing if you go about it the wrong way. 

Here's a few pointers you may need to know: 

•Before diving into a quick relationship, it's mandatory that you try to know the person beyond that which meets the eye. Even though you might not be the most objective person at this point, you must still try to discern the inner person of their heart or you might find that you have jumped out of the frying pot and into the fire.


•You will also find it helpful to do some research and background checks about this person. That is, their life in their “natural environment”, their family and friends, the way this person grew up and some basic character traits. Even though you can’t judge someone entirely based on how their family is, it’s a good place to decipher the type of person you may expect them to become towards you in the future. 


•Even though you may be going through a period of depression, it may become worse if you find fast comfort into a person you only knew a month ago. This person might not meet your expectations and suddenly you find yourself in an even more stressful situation.


•Rushing into a relationship may end up working out in your favour. However, the reverse is also true whereby the person might be moved to take advantage of you when he or she recognizes your weakness and is aware that you're only with them because of your desperation. 


•REGRET! Regret is never a pleasant thing to carry around in your life. A fast relationship can result in future regrets if that person turns out to be the opposite of what they made you believe they were initially. That is why it's best to get to know the person thoroughly before diving into the relationship pool with them. 


•Being depressed doesn't mean you have to have someone to show you sympathy in order for you to heal. Your own company can and may be sufficient. Find new hobbies, make new friends, join clubs. There are ways in which you can overcome depression apart from wrongly opening up yourself to a complete stranger. 


•Talk about your struggles with someone you trust and have known for a very long time. Even though I’m discussing this in the context of relationships, it is not a problem that is exclusive to people who are desirous of being in a relationship. Sometimes it might be about a friendship that you cherished becoming sour or maybe other personal problems.

 Always try to be alert and choose your friends wisely as there can be "friends" who will take advantage of you and abuse the fact that you are besides yourself. 

 Don't ever feel alone in your time of doubt and sadness. Depression is common among us as people and it is possible to get out of it. It might not be easy but remember that the words difficult and impossible aren’t synonymous. Stay positive and stay aware!

Sunday, 18 March 2018

KNOW YOUR WORTH! (How Do You Know Your Worth?)

March 18, 2018 1 Comments

Upon talking with a friend recently, I could not help but make this topic my next blog post. 

It's so surreal that there are actually women out there who are lost, unsure of what their worth really is. The fact that she is a friend and I value my friends, I felt that it was only respectful and the right thing to do to listen, evaluate, be non-judgmental and give her my best honest advice.

How Do you Know Your Worth



While she voiced her story to me, I said to her "Know your worth." Lost and saddened she was, she hit me back with the question "How do I know my worth?" 
I smiled after receiving her question. A smile of sympathy, a smile of empathy. I told her to ask herself; How do I see myself as a person? and How do I expect a man or someone else to see me as that said person? 

The thing is, she is not the only one who is struggling with knowing her worth. Both men and women is very likely to come across this phase in life where they are left to question their own values. However, I believe this is more common among us women. 

"We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves."

Struggling to find your worth can be based on a few things like:

•Past experiences you've had with someone you dated or possible a friend/family member.
•Your outlook on yourself as a person •CONFIDENCE. 

If you can relate to any of those pointers (especially your confidence level) then it's no surprise you are having difficulties with knowing and accepting your worth. Look at yourself in the mirror, take a moment to pause, breathe calmly and think.  
“As long as you look for someone else to validate who you are by seeking their approval, you are setting yourself up for disaster. You have to be whole and complete in yourself. No one can give you that. You have to know who you are - what others say is irrelevant.”

Try to find all the qualities in yourself, accept them and embrace them. Learn to love yourself. Self love is sufficient. If you don't love yourself, no one else will. If you don't accept yourself for who you are inside and out, no one else will. 

So, do you know your worth?

In a nutshell, my advice to you is; if you are struggling with this it’s best to start by doing some self evaluation. Find all the good things in you; quality over quantity. Love yourself. Keep your chin up. Smile. 

And if you are in a relationship, once you embrace all these pointers, your worth will become so clear to your partner. He/she will respect you and know where you stand as a person. 

-Dedicated to a friend ❤️


Thursday, 15 February 2018

Long Distance Relationship And 7 Ways How I Handle It

February 15, 2018 6 Comments
As for who knows me personally, you are probably aware of the fact that I am in a long distance relationship. So instead of speaking on general terms on this topic, I will speak on a personal term instead.

Before Alex and I relationship sky rocketed to great things, I never forget the day when we met and we exchanged our contacts. I said to him "Don't become a stranger" and he promised he would stay in touch.

I felt straight away like "pssh yeah right, as soon as you get on that plane you won't even remember I exist" while there was still a part of me that hoped he was telling in the truth.

In a nutshell, he kept his promised.

Believe it or not, from the day Alex went home and messaged me we spoke literally every day! If any day had passed it wouldn't have been more than one day for five times. I start on this note because I will be listing seven main ways (though there are more) on how we maintain such strong relationship while being 8,585 km apart with communication being number one.


1. COMMUNICATION

You probably have gotten the idea from my introduction. For Alex and I, communication is very very important. We breathe communication and we live communication (hope you got the hang of that). But this is not only valuable when we are apart. Communication play a daily role in our lives even when we are under the same roof. When we have a fuss and I don't feel like speaking, Alex never cease to remind me of when I first told him what I value most in a relationship, communication being one of them. This resolve issues, make our plans go smoother and help us to understand and know each other better.

2. HONESTY


Even in the time of being just pals, Alex and I have always been honest with each other about our feelings. There was a part in time when we didn't see a relationship happening in the near future but Alex would always tell me how much he values me as a friend. Of course it was the same for me. I cared about him and I always felt okay to be open and honest with him. Honesty came more into play when we became an actual couple. A relationship needs honesty in order to survive not to mention when you are miles apart.

3. TRUST


As like the first two mentioned above with all being of importance, a relationship needs trust. Imagine a relationship as a plant and trust as water. Without water the plant will not grow, neither will a relationship without trust itself. Because of our honesty from the start as friends, there was no need for us not to trust each other. When we became a couple, we gave each other even more reasons to build trust. For example, meeting all the persons we've ever spoke about that is in our circle, not going to the bathroom or outside and speaking quietly when receiving a call etc. People build trust in different ways but for Alex and I, the trust was already being built when we have been open to each other from the start.

4. SCHEDULING

This falls very important for us. We always plan the times or the next time when we will  see each other. My heart always feel like it's falling in a pit when we have to say goodbye at the airport. Neither of us like to being apart from each other for too long. We always plan and schedule the date(s) that we'll be seeing each other so we both don't have to be home longing too see each other in hopes. If you are in a long distance relationship like me I recommend doing this with your partner also.

5. BEING EACH OTHERS KEEPER


I always make sure I am readily available to him whether the situation is good or bad, especially while on a distance. This is the reassurance medicine for us. It helps us to never lose hope that we will always be there for each other even when it is over the phone. It builds solidity between us.

6. PHONE CALLS/VIDEO CALLS

A long distance relationship can't rely on sole text messaging. Let me tell you, even in the time of being just friends, Alex and I would talk on the phone for HOURS! Yes, hours. My mom would always say "where do you two find things to talk about that much." And now that we are dating it's basically like a whole day instead. I know I am not the only one who is on a long distance relationship that can relate to this. (If you can relate leave a comment of how many hours you talk to your partner on the phone, you can keep your identity unknown)

7. BEST FRIENDS

Not only are we lovers or partners in crime (Bonnie & Clyde) but Alex is also my best friend! He means so much to me and I can talk to him just as if I would talk to my girlfriends. And it is the same from his side. I can tell him about my bad hair days or how annoying my periods can be and he can talk to me about his bicycle or other male things. There are days when it's almost like we've forgotten that we are dating because of the best friend bond that we share. And I believe some of the best relationships start off as being best friends with my very own being an example.


A Conclusion For You

I hope you can relate to how I handle my long distance relationship and if your long distance relationship is going well, I wish that it will continue to be like that until destiny have you both together. If you're in long distance relationship and it has its complications, don't give up just yet. Every relationship has it own complications and it can be even more when you are miles apart. Always remember issues will not be solved without communicating with each other. 


See you on my next post! 💗
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